On my way to work, there were a billions questions in mind.
Why have these souls chosen to be my children, especially this last one? What is the background of these souls? What could they see attractive, when I am such a useless parent?
What is the purpose of my life? Am I fulfilling it? It seems I have become spiritually aware and yet useless for earthy duties. I have failed in so many homely duties, cos I keep using that time for spiritual benefit.
How is one suppose to obtain balance? A few days ago, when I shamefully asked for money in ardaas after completing 20 Japji Sahib paths in 2 days, to buy the property that my husband wants to buy, I felt so guilty for asking anything other than naam. I did it cos I want to continue feeling secure with finances, as I am, to help me keep focusing on my spiritual path. I hate debt and my husband was adamant that he wanted it, no matter how much debt he gets into. Knowing that with that much debt I won't be able to meditate peacefully, not worrying about the worldly matters distracted me so much that I couldn't do any simran, after asking for money,as if I didn't even know what it was. Simran suddenly became the hardest thing in the work. I knew I had asked for the wrong thing. Usually I look forward to when I can wake up in the early hours, when the family is asleep, to have the time for myself with the formless. That is the most precious time of my life.
Today at Sukhmani sahib path at Gurdwara, I noticed the 23rd Astpadi
Nau Nidh Amrit Prabh ka naam , more later
Now it must be time to learn this astral technique. If I could learn this, there would be so much I can finish reading that is on my list but no time to read. I would be reading all night if I could Read a book with eyes closed
Why have these souls chosen to be my children, especially this last one? What is the background of these souls? What could they see attractive, when I am such a useless parent?
What is the purpose of my life? Am I fulfilling it? It seems I have become spiritually aware and yet useless for earthy duties. I have failed in so many homely duties, cos I keep using that time for spiritual benefit.
How is one suppose to obtain balance? A few days ago, when I shamefully asked for money in ardaas after completing 20 Japji Sahib paths in 2 days, to buy the property that my husband wants to buy, I felt so guilty for asking anything other than naam. I did it cos I want to continue feeling secure with finances, as I am, to help me keep focusing on my spiritual path. I hate debt and my husband was adamant that he wanted it, no matter how much debt he gets into. Knowing that with that much debt I won't be able to meditate peacefully, not worrying about the worldly matters distracted me so much that I couldn't do any simran, after asking for money,as if I didn't even know what it was. Simran suddenly became the hardest thing in the work. I knew I had asked for the wrong thing. Usually I look forward to when I can wake up in the early hours, when the family is asleep, to have the time for myself with the formless. That is the most precious time of my life.
Today at Sukhmani sahib path at Gurdwara, I noticed the 23rd Astpadi
Nau Nidh Amrit Prabh ka naam , more later
Now it must be time to learn this astral technique. If I could learn this, there would be so much I can finish reading that is on my list but no time to read. I would be reading all night if I could Read a book with eyes closed
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4 comments:
We are in the midst of a grand creation, a Divine Play which has been going on for millions of years, in which we are only on the stage of life for a very brief moment. We have come in to the play very late, the plot is already well established, and there is really nothing that we can do to change the plot.... our greatest choice is whether to enjoy the play and extend the wonderful qualities of love, harmony and beauty to our fellow participants in this grand play, or to fight and struggle against the established plot in our own futile battle.
(from The Sufi Message of Hazrat Inayat Khan, Volume X, Drama)
SK
Thanks for a great message!
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