When my husband was born

"A very blessed child has taken birth in a very unblessed home." said one uncle. Those words haunted the mother for a lifetime. The cute child was forever obedient and oblidging. He would do anything to keep peace and end discord. He himself was full of life, new ideas crossed his mind on a daily basis. He would always look for what is possible, rather than worry about the problem. Kind and funny. Words flowed out of his mouth like they learn how to form in there. He was always a delightful person to have around. He sure is a blessed child. The fifth child of a family of six children was only four when a big light shown in font of thier car. The kids were coming home after having a good time in town with their dad. The two little boys were sitting in the front seat while two of the older sisters and the old brother were in the back seat. Something must have hit their car and kept going without much damage. One can only think it would have to be a big truck on the pacific highway to make this car go wonky and roll to the side or it simply scared the car driver to suddenly manuverit away from its path and lose contol. The event had devastating effect. The two kids at the front got serious life threatening injuries. The youngst boy had a serious bleeding near the eye and the blessed child had his scull open. Accoding to th oldest boy, father didn't die immediately from the accident. He looked at his two little sons in severly injured condition that sank his heart. On September 8, 1970 at the accident sceen, the father died, leaving behind a wife that didn't know how to read and write in her own language, let alone in english. She would have to learn to survive or accept defeat and go back to her country. She would not accept defeat even though, this was a severe blow. There had been wedding preparations and celebrations in the the town on that day. She had seen a big fire and thick black smoke vision while she was there. She didn't understand what that was until the news came of the accident. "The world doesn't stop for you to gather yourself." she would say. The wedding did go ahead with full bollywood celebration style, no half mast for her husband. This is how she would describe her historic week, feeling a sharp stab of life like a fresh wound. Fifty years have gone past. The kids have grown up and wanted to acknowldge his death anniversary in a big way. They can't do a big event. Corona virus is about. The young man who got married that weekend also had his funeral during covid lockdown. Fifty years later, life is still sad for the old lady who has serious dementia in her 80s. Yet, she is loved and her courage to fight back is appreciated by her kids and grand kids. Five of the six kids would visit their father's place in the Lismore cemetery but the older brother can't come due to South Australia's lockdown which means he has to self quarantine for forteen days both sides of the trip. They would contact him via zoom to involve him. First they will visit the Channon Market where Johnny boy is having his monthly curry stall. The three older sisters have never visited this market even though, he has been doing this market for 20 years. They had lots of fun watching their brother's free entertainment for all passerby's. This is not unusual for him. This is him. He is known not just for his butter chicken but for his great, gentle and humorous personality. After uplifting their moods, they head off to face the dark side, the trauma of the tragedy of a father's death that did't get addressed properly; all their life. It's a day of heeling the wounds, acknowledging that they are all older than the age their father died at. Thirty six he was, the day he left behind his wife and six children aged between three to twelve. It was sad, it was cheotic but its time to let go.

Invisible force separating me

I woke up from sleep due to a very disturbing dream. Some invisible force was pulling my littlest child away from me violently by pulling him from one side. The force was more powerful than me. I used my full force to keep the child next to me but I was loosing the bettle. Then suddenly I started doing my night prayer " Tati vao na lagai' shabad that somehow loosened this forces grip on the child. When I realised this, I started doing the same prayer again and again. Now I didnN't know where exactly it was but it still kept pulling the child froma distance of less tahn 2 meters. I kept doing my prayer and tried to throw some crunched up paper like thing at it angrily, only guessing where abouts on the ground it seemed to be. I couldn't harm it in any way. I woke up and checked time. It was only 10:15pm. Dreams of this time are generally not insights into future but simply something the brain is trying to come to terms with. i started listening to more path as it felt like I needed it to get rid of this trouble. It helped to listen to Dukh bhanjani sahib followed by Sukhmani sahib while I wrote the blogped On Friday night, I got very angry as my husband didn't return from the shop. At 7:45pm I had stopped watching shows and felt like I should cook his dinner, even though I wasn't well. i felt really sorry for him as he works long hours in shop. When he didnt come until 8:30pm, I got very angry, so angry that I just wanted to pick up my clothes and leave home forever. The force of anger was so strong that I even pucked up work clothes to pack in the suitcase. The only thing that kept stopping me from walking out was the constant feeling that my son doesnt deserve this seoaration. He hasn't done anything wrong. Itsas no point taking him with me as that doesn't solve his problem. He equally loves his sister and has a very strong sense of wanting to have family time. No matter how much I wanted to let my husband that I was done with his lack of communication and his focus outside of family; I was unable to take action. I decided to take the impossible task of leaving the house clean, so I channeled the anger to clean the house. Amazingly, for someone who was feeling sluggish, i found so much energy to clean only because I was angry. I took the rubbish to the big bin, put a load of washing on, put out one load on the line and threw some old clothes that I wasn't able to throw thinking i would find a use for them. Now, I just wanted to eliminate every unnexessary accessory out of my life. I feeling stayed constant. I didn't want to ruin my sons experience of growing in a family. i decided to divorce him and yet stay in the house. Finally when he had come at 10 pm, I was able to say to his face that I divorced him today and he didn'tneed to give me any explanation as it is too late for that. It was strange that the dream of my son being snatched by the invisible force happened at 10pm exactly 48 hours from the above expression. Is my mind playing tricks on me or replaying the emotion?

Improve own behaviour and brain

re Loosig your Brain is the most scary thing in the world. More scary than loosing your reputation, wealth and youth. Go see a dementia patient and you will know.My mother-in-law has it. I believe it came upon her due to the streses and major trauma she faced in life. Trauma leaves a physical imprint on the body and you need to remove the trauma along with its physical signs. People only ever learn to cope with it. I am not sure if they learn to remove it altogther. I believe, with affirmations and breathing, it can be as the first change that happens when body goes in stress is change in breath. We stop breathing or it changes its pace. Imagine telling someone that a loved one died. What will happen to their body? They paid full attention to the moment to grasp the news. So, to fix the issue, we need to go back to where the first sign of trauma appeared and with the same level of attention in the positive direction. Affirmations I allow my body to completely relax. I allow my body to release the trauma ... I allow my hypocampus to produce new brain cells I allow my hypocampus to regenerate neuroplastic connections I allow my amygdala to form new memories, consolidate and recall. repete

Chains of habits & prisons of beliefs

 You have been lead to believe that you are free because you are living in a western country. Changing countries and locations within doesn't change a person, their skills, beliefs or habits. 

Similarly, death does not automatically make you an angel with kindness and powers to help and heal mortals. These are matters of choice, skill, habit, belief and ethic; all at the same time. All of the five factors are not blanket statements with a yes or no answer. There are degrees of truths within them. For example, I affiliate with Sikh religion but to what degree? Just because I affiliate with it does not mean I agree with or approve of all of the actions and statements made by current practitioners and leaders. Also, if I once affiliated with some organisation, doesn't mean that I am still affiliated. My actions reflect what I stand for or not. My actions can be misinterpreted as good or bad due to someones misjudgement or deliberate ill intent. 

Ill intent is generated when one choses a new goal and finds that someone or something is a hurdle in their path and needs to be destroyed or moved aside. Human beings destroy many things like tress and koala habitats for example. Their ill intent does not stop with things. Next come people in places that they need influence over. When they can't be influenced, they must be made to step aside. Sometimes this involves chatting with the person, talking to others with similar goals, lobbying, litigation, use of media and the list goes on. The world use to be much simpler and a gunshot was sufficient to get rid of the person. 

Any of the tactics used once to achieve a goal become a familiar path. A familiar path becomes a route. A route becomes a habit and habits are hard to change unless the occupant decides and choses to change it.

even when we succeed, it's easy to fall back and go again on the familiar path, may that be the chosen path of destruction or going back to religion or club you once affiliated with. People rule within various jurisdictions. Business community, farming community, a not for profit community group, the list goes on. everyone likes to rule a certain territory. even within gov jobs people swim successfully across a few channels within an organisation and yet comes a point where they can't go past their jurisdiction. 

When that jurisdiction is a step/person in hierarchy that is lower than them, it's easier to destroy or remove even with all the bullying and anti-discrimination laws in place. Those who are experts within their jurisdiction, know how to make and break the rules and how to create evidence to support their decisions and actions. This makes it very difficult for the victim to prove his/ her innocence and point out injustice.

What do they do when faced with injustice defines who they are. either they are a fighter or a cry baby. Someone once wrote, "You are only a victim, if you think you are." Meaning, just because someone did wrong by you does not mean you have to let the rest of your life be a prisoner of that event. Some people will choose to repeat that sad story their whole life and let their personal and professional growth be stunted due to the scar they were given. A scar never means you are incapacitated. You are only incapacitated if you believe you are.

Similarly, if you let that negative event dominate your life; you are also attaching a chain of thought to that event and the person(s) involved. This is the start of the story of karma. You made a choice. every choice has a consequence. Familiar choices become familiar paths. Familiar people become roadblocks or saviours again and again; in life and in death. 

Whatever family, friends and enemies that you have chosen to collect in your memories and make part of your story, will eventually become a roadblock in your spiritual progress. The reason being, that the spiritual path is about you and the universe; not you, others and the universe. First choice makes you indifferent to joy and sorrow as it allows you to see the events from all perspectives whereas the later choice will make you take sides and chose between good and bad and eventually start seeing your path as right and others wrong. even angels can be brought down to human level and bonded in chains by their believers. 

Continuous walk on the same path over and over makes the habit more solid and makes the idea of looking at another way more and more unlikely. Some intervention is required to break the cycle. Bigger the interruption to routine; more the possibility of change. Change can make or break something or someone depending on the amount of flexibility or fluidity within. 

Breath is the carrier of air and water into small spaces that introduce fluidity in rigid environments including in things so hardy as rocks. Breath introduces you to the empty space within you. This space loosens your rigid thoughts, interrupts the familiar paths, creates new paths and shows new perspectives.

Focus on your breath with eyes closed as eyes are your familiar path for the consumption of information. Breath is a guide to show you the unseen and unperceived path. Trust your breath. It does not betray you even in your sleep. A true friend is the one who does the right thing by you even when you are not present or aware of a situation. Be with your friend.

When you learn to choose right friends, your life improves. Breath is a friend that will show you the path of life without physical eyes. It will take you to an invisible world. When invisible world becomes familiar, death becomes easy as you have a clue to what it would be like living without a physical body.All of the above will still not improve you decisions about what actions you will be involving yourself in after the physical body is no longer with you. Your chains of bonds to other physical bodies and places and familiar paths of actions will guide your future actions. For some with strong bonds of love rebirth into familiar homes with be a satisfactory action. For those unhappy with how life and people in it, treated them; coming back may not be so quick and easy. For those who have seen and grasped the concept of birth and death, may want to see whats beyond this cycle. Whatever your choice, such will be your path. 

Why lock yourself in a small prison of limited beliefs? Why walk the same path? Don't you have the desire to know and see more?