Saturday, September 19, 2020

Invisible force separating me

I woke up from sleep due to a very disturbing dream. Some invisible force was pulling my littlest child away from me violently by pulling him from one side. The force was more powerful than me. I used my full force to keep the child next to me but I was loosing the bettle. Then suddenly I started doing my night prayer " Tati vao na lagai' shabad that somehow loosened this forces grip on the child. When I realised this, I started doing the same prayer again and again. Now I didnN't know where exactly it was but it still kept pulling the child froma distance of less tahn 2 meters. I kept doing my prayer and tried to throw some crunched up paper like thing at it angrily, only guessing where abouts on the ground it seemed to be. I couldn't harm it in any way. I woke up and checked time. It was only 10:15pm. Dreams of this time are generally not insights into future but simply something the brain is trying to come to terms with. i started listening to more path as it felt like I needed it to get rid of this trouble. It helped to listen to Dukh bhanjani sahib followed by Sukhmani sahib while I wrote the blogped On Friday night, I got very angry as my husband didn't return from the shop. At 7:45pm I had stopped watching shows and felt like I should cook his dinner, even though I wasn't well. i felt really sorry for him as he works long hours in shop. When he didnt come until 8:30pm, I got very angry, so angry that I just wanted to pick up my clothes and leave home forever. The force of anger was so strong that I even pucked up work clothes to pack in the suitcase. The only thing that kept stopping me from walking out was the constant feeling that my son doesnt deserve this seoaration. He hasn't done anything wrong. Itsas no point taking him with me as that doesn't solve his problem. He equally loves his sister and has a very strong sense of wanting to have family time. No matter how much I wanted to let my husband that I was done with his lack of communication and his focus outside of family; I was unable to take action. I decided to take the impossible task of leaving the house clean, so I channeled the anger to clean the house. Amazingly, for someone who was feeling sluggish, i found so much energy to clean only because I was angry. I took the rubbish to the big bin, put a load of washing on, put out one load on the line and threw some old clothes that I wasn't able to throw thinking i would find a use for them. Now, I just wanted to eliminate every unnexessary accessory out of my life. I feeling stayed constant. I didn't want to ruin my sons experience of growing in a family. i decided to divorce him and yet stay in the house. Finally when he had come at 10 pm, I was able to say to his face that I divorced him today and he didn'tneed to give me any explanation as it is too late for that. It was strange that the dream of my son being snatched by the invisible force happened at 10pm exactly 48 hours from the above expression. Is my mind playing tricks on me or replaying the emotion?

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