Monday, December 7, 2015

World divided in two halves - opposing ideologies but none in favour of human liberty

Human Liberty is at high risk everywhere in the world at the moment because of the religious intotelerance. Forcing people to change their religion or appearance to fit in with the dominant culture in order to gain employment in a society didn't start in India but it will make India an unstable place to live if the terrorist activity in the name of hindutva is not controlled.

The French tried to ban the burka in 2010, and claimed that the goal of the French authorise is to preserve the ideology of 'living together'. The burka, Nisan, hoodies, head covers like scarf and turban are to be removed for security reasons and can't be worn in public places.The media picked up on The fact that Muslim women wearing burka are targeted but failed to recognise that Sikh men wear a turban at all times and they would be affected as well.
If you ask a person from European background, they say that they fear going in parts of towns where black people live in bettors because if they walk those streets, they might get robbed.

Last Friday night, I went to an official Christmas party held in a beautiful beachside town of Sawtell near Coffs Harbour. I happen to sit next to a representative of the city who happens to be a school teacher as well. I know him from the past eight years and was happy to be sitting next to an intellectual person. Something sparked the discussion about the religion and he claimed that part of Europe are unsafe of these people because of the ghettos because the people living in the ghettos have been brainwashed by their religion. My claim is that it's not their religion making them steal from the rich, it's the gap between the haves and the have not's. The debater claimed that the people living in ghetto are responsible for their own poverty because when they go to other suburbs asking for a job, they are asked to remove their beard, if they want the job. Its's their choice to have a job or cut their beard. They chose religion instead of a job. My question was, would cutting the beard make them more intelligent or efficient in their job? If I cut my long platt, would I become a better Librarian ? If not, why should you ask such a thing? It's a symbol of my identity, my culture and then my religion. When you are giving someone that choice, you not giving them any choice; you are giving ultimatum that unless you abide by my rules, You shall suffer in poverty. Therefore, we are imposing our believes on others. The belief, in this case is that a western look is better, more civilised and less threatening. Did I just write that?

Since when are beards and covering their whole body, not part of western culture! Only 150 years ago all Christians believed in cover themselves up. Covering head when going to the church has been the only way less than 50 years ago. We have uncovered ourselves a lot more and changed the culture very rapidly in a very short period of history. Who is to say this is the best practice. How do we know that 100 years from now we will say that humanity suffered highest rates of skin cancer due to this reason and may start believing that covering oneselve and keeping long hair is better ( don't we already say slip, slop, slap)?

Whenever people are forced to chose a look other than the one they prefer otherwise face economic sanctions, people have no choice but to revolt and pick up a gun. Read the history of Sikhism and you will find out how a religion that started as religion to unite all religions was also forced to adopt the policy of wearing a Kirpan, a dagger, because of the need to fight for their belief that everyone has a right to chose their religion, and yet a responsibility to not threaten anyone that is not encroaching on your human rights but protecting those who can't protect themselves, the downtroden.

The fastest way to change someone is through through leading by example and with love. The west has influenced the east by showing the path of Liberty. Sikhs feel safer Living in western countries that they do in the east. Sikhs also feel safer being ruled by the white man than by a black man because we associate Liberty with them.

When I first arrived  in Australia, I went for a walk on the beach by myself and a white lady walking in the opposite direction gave a beautiful smile and said, "Good evening". I gave a fake smile and was puzzled. She didn't know me personally, why did she say that to me? We don't greet strangers like this in India, asking for directions when you are lost is another matter but greeting someone you don't know with a genuine smile? Besides, she was a British, the same kind that committed atrocities on my kind for 200 years and took away all our gold and jewels and left us a poor country. They did the same with Africans. All that I read in my history books was buried deep inside that stopped me from smiling back at her. I went to my new and only husband and asked I a complaining tone. Born and bread in Australia, my husband didn't know any other way and said, "If one human being whom' talk to another human being then who else should they talk to?" These words hit me like a brick. What was I thinking? I had been brainwashed by history? No, history stands as it is but it should not come in my way of seeing a human being as a human being first and everything else later. My husband became my living spiritual master that day. I always forgive all his follies for he taught me the most invaluable lesson that day.

Those who have everything are not making any efforts to help those who don't have a way to provide for their family's basic needs. Instead, we are changing government policies to give subsidies to the rich because it's the rich who fund campaigns for both parties that hold power in government.

Religion itself is no threat to anyone. It's the religious fundamentalist ideologies in every religion that are a threat to everyone, especially to the people who belong to that very religion. It's religious fundamentalists who brainwash people and enforce their rules on everyone else, hence jeopardising their liberty to chose how to dress and how to act, think and behave.

 Sikhs should be on high alert - Gurdwara funds may get controlled by Indian government
shocking-video-recorded-gurdwara-sahibt

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Shoes made with pearls

I have never understood how the universe runs several hours ahead of me. Yesterday morning just as I was trying to wake myself up close to 5.30 am to go to the Gurdwara to listen to the musical Asa Di Vaar', I saw a dream that I was getting off the bed and there were shoes made of white pearls right where I was about to put my feet, as if ready for me to slip my feet into them. They attracted me but I was puzzled. Wouldn't they be uncomfortable, I asked myself before trying to put my feet in them.

At 9 am as I arrived at the backdoor of my workplace; there was a fair European lady sitting on the steps with a used blanket near her. She was healthy, intelligent looking beautiful woman with a (fake) white pearl necklace. By the time I noticed all this, I was already at the door and as a habit  I had almost open the door to get in. I had already greeting her with 'Good morning' and a smile but I felt my heart melt a little. I couldn't go inside and let her be. I shut the door again, laughed and said candidly, " I don't want to go in" and started chatting with her to find out her situation and any way I could help her. I offered her help but she denied. I told her where I work and where she can find me should she change her mind later.
How did the universe know I was going to meet this girl in just under four hours time and will feel how uncomfortable situation she is in? It's always about the event that is going to happen roughly within that time frame, the magic number being 40. 
The worse part is that I get the visions but I never understand them properly until after the event. So what's the benefit of them! It just adds to my confusion. It's not even a significant event yet I talked about her plight even in the evening with some friends. Why was she so important that I had to dream about this meeting? Is the universe calling me to help homeless mentally ill women?

Serve humanity before religion

The success of money speaks for itself. Majority of people are after money in their lives, more passionately than they are after their religion. Money is treated seriously in every country weather it is a secular nation or a one religion nation. It's because money buys the necessities and luxuries of life.
Money won the hearts of people because it itself never discriminates. It goes to whoever chases it more competitively regardless of their religion. The sudden rise in share prices of companies that invest in firearms in late 2015, a day after the terrorist attack in France in 2015, was a clear proof that those who are pretending to support the agenda of the western nations to bomb Syria, Afganistan etc are infact simply in favour of war because war benefits their pockets. It is clear that the weapons made by western companies are ending up in the hands of the very people the west is bombing. How is it happening? It's because money talks. And the firearms don't discriminate either, they simply kill.

War can never bring peace. All attempts of genocide of a race or a religion in history have failed. When Indira Gandhi's son Rajiv Gandhi gave orders to bribe mobs and give them ammunition to kill all Sikhs in Delhi in November 1984; it didn't end Sikh religion. The current paid acts of decimation of Sikh scriptures in the State of Punjab is not going to end Sikhism either. Instead, the Sikhs have taken citizenship of countries all over the world.
When Mughal rulers in India tried to convert masses into Muslims, Sikhism, a new religion was born to protect the Hindus and to help them save their religion and dignity. Today Muslims are being persecuted and Sikhs are feeding the hungry and war torn Syrian refugees. The message is clear, "Serve the humanity before any religion".
People of all races and religions are trying to feed and cloth their families. Then they will move on to seek the luxuries of life and in doing so will deprive others of a decent living. worlds-most-sustainable-country How many centuries do we need to understand this simple stuff. Every time you chose to spend money on buying luxuries for yourself, someone out there is dying of hunger. We have focused our energies and resources in the wrong direction. The companies that invest in firearms are there to make money and people investing in them are all criminals and should be treated that way. I can bet my bottom dollar that you will find the queen of England would have heavily invested in that too. End royalty, stop spending your money on luxuries and start feeding the poor. We don't need any weapons, we need more tractors to plow the land and to grow organic food.
Why have we got millionaires in a nation like India? It's because we are hording the money. We are not sharing it. Remember when we invented money, it was for a fairer bargain and easier way to be able to buy another thing in exchange.
God created a currency of LOVE. The more you give the more you get. The more you share with people, the more satisfied you feel. Man created MONEY, so the more he hoards, the richer and greedier he gets.
The real conflict is between money and love. If you intend to see any change, you need to change what you invest in - money or love, humanity or religious politics? We have been choosing other things over love and humanity for centuries. When are we going to learn our lesson?
Ignoring the governments doesn't help either, that's simply evading responsibility towards humanity.

Religious intolerance ramps up religion based brainwashing

Newton's third Law of  Motion' "Every action has equal and opposite reaction"' is proving to be correct in relation to religion as well.  America waged a war on Islam when it said its a war on terror after Al-Qaeda was blamed for the 'Twin Tower' attack in Sep 2001. Muslims were attacked in USA and tortured in Guantanamo bay.
Muslims ramped up their religious activity when they realised that the whole world was against them and every Muslim was being seen as a terrorist. They had to find better way to gain majority and support. There is a rumour going around since 2004-2005 that Muslim boys are preached to marry girls of other religions, make children with them and Turn them into Muslims. I saw a living proof of this act that happened to a Sikh girl from England.
Al-Jazira made a documentary showing the Hindu fundamentalist group Bajrang Dal holding camps for Hindu girls aged 15-35, teaching them fighting skills and preaching that Hindu girls should only marry Hindu boys because of this conspiracy theory that Muslim boys are out there to have an affair with Hindu girls and make them change their faith.
Worried about their own religion Hindu extremist groups like RSS are more active than ever before to exterminate all other religious minorities from India and make it a Hindu Nation by burning bible and decimating Guru Granth Sahib, the Sikh scriptures. They are also engaged in the murders mentioned in the Saffron Terror, an article on Wikipedia. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saffron_terror
Horrified by the decimation of Guru Granth, Sikhs united in holding a black Diwali at every gurdwara around the world. Some might like to take benefit of this unification and try to persuade others to work towards freeing Punjab, a small state in India to make a Sikh nation named Khalistan. So all we have achieved so far is more division and killings in the name of religion. Religious hatred and fear of attack from others hasn't and will not stabilise the world because we are placing religion ahead of humanity. The question is what is it that you want your religion to give you or help you achieve?
If you get into discussion about the religion every religious person is adamant that theirs is the right path but I ask the right path to what? What do you want your religion to give you or help you achieve? Political goals, a name in history, financial freedom, peace, success, leadership, acceptance, belonging, or a place in heaven after you create hell on earth?
Here is someone who believes in the Torah trying to prove everyone else wrong without even trying to ask some questions before handing out verdict http://www.therefinersfire.org/cr.htm I read what he has to say about Sikhism. Tired of this disregard for the other religion and the obedience to the ruler without concern for the daily needs of a common householder, frustrated Nanak left his job.  Nanak wanted better living for all regardless of their religion. I have the same goal. So I am comfortable following Nanak's lead.
What is the one think for humanity that you want your religion to deliver?




Monday, October 12, 2015

What's the purpose of my life?

When I started the Spiritual and Paranormal book club, one young lady asked a lot of questions. She was curious to find out all that she didn't know. By the end of the session she said "I have read all these books that say that everyone is here for a purpose. I just want to know what's my purpose in this life? Why am I here?". Nobody had an answer.
After that I thought a lot. Does everyone have a different purpose in life? Is my purpose different from hers? If that was the case, we all would have different needs.

I see that the needs of all animals including humans are all the same and our behaviours are all the same. We all need to eat and we all love our offsprings. We all fight with our neighbours to get ahead of the pack. We all suffer from the same problems. If I earned little bit more, I would get to the next level. The race of the next level never finishes and we keep asking for more.
Until, we look back at someone lower than us and suddenly realised how high I have jumped. Suddenly, we feel releaved. Then, we think of a different goal. Instead of pushing ourselves up, we start thinking of pulling someone up a level. Although, this action doesn't help us go higher; it gives us a level of satisfaction each time we help someone.

The game has changed at this point. It's no longer about fulfilling your goals but helping others fulfil theirs. In chasing your own goals and competing; there is jealousy, suffering and despair but in helping others fulfil their dreams is empathy, satisfaction and joy.

The purpose of collection of information, keeping secrets and making money is to find peace and happiness. We realise through experience that when we reach our death bed, the only regret we have is that we didn't spend enough time with our loved one's exhibiting our love for them regardless of all disagreements and wrong doings.

We realise that world is not going to miss us because we didn't do anything to change the wider world, only took little risks and actions, enough to feed our families and ourselves while somewhere else they kept dying of hunger, war and famine.

The only regret remains with us, "I wish I was bold enough to stand up for all that I wanted to stand up for". Somewhere in those moments we take another pledge to take birth again and do it right next time. Soon after birth, we again forget our own promise to ourselves and we keep coming back to set things right for once and end up making mistakes again and again.

We spent our whole lives being at war with ourselves. We want one thing but do another because of someone else expectations. Where did it all start? At school. We wanted to play and have fun but we were told to compete with our fellow students. We were separated from each other by grading the students and telling some that they were smarter and superior than others. Therefore, the smarter ones deserve better pay and more luxuries. We divided the human race and segregated the society.

Do we ever behave like this at a party? We go to Friday night party just to have fun with friends, not to judge them for better or worse; just to have fun. We came to life to have a great time with others, not to compete with them or to judge them. We were brainwashed at an early age and we forgot our purpose and lost our way.
The purpose of every life is to enjoy life, reach unconditional love, help others enjoy their stay on this earth. We can't have fun just by ourself. We need to play with others nicely. When we all are happy, we all are at peace. Stop judging others, you are ruining others fun when you judge them.

Life is a party, enjoy it with friends. Nobody came here to pick a fight. It's just unfortunate that we end up fighting. Once started, this momentum doesn't stop. We have been taking sides and fighting  for long. We have created institutions that ensure that lifetime after lifetime they keep brainwashing us since childhood and we end up ruining our party time, every time.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Taming the God

I am a human. Rebellious is my nature and I hate God. I have heard of him from parents and society and this overrated being has done nothing for me. I can't see him therefore he doesn't exist.
A Dog is real. I love my pet, I nurture him and he loves me back and even protects me in time of need. The only problem with a Dog/ a pet is that they die before we do and then we get another one to  love us and protect us.

God on the other hand, they say, lives forever. He is unborn and undying. He is within and pervades within the whole existence. Even though I hate God and all the people who call themselves religious; I am fascinated by the descriptions. I have the urge to know the truth. Does he exist or not? Is God a reality or a fantasy?
The only way to know is to look within they say but I look at the state of the world and declare that God can't be perfect because if he was perfect then this world of his creation wouldn't be so flawed. So there I said my piece and I give up on him.

I know they said going within is the way to find him but that's too hard. I am too busy anaysing what my eyes see, how can I close my eyes and shut my internal chatter for a minute? Besides, why should I waste my time on something that can't be seen by the world and can't make me money that the world worships. I am fascinated though, only if I could talk to someone who can tell me more about God, if he exists that is. One day in my spare time, I may follow that up.
Christians say 'God is Love', so I love my dog and I do charity by giving money to a church or non-profit organisation. That is enough; should a God exist who wants answers after I die? Die I must, sooner or later....

Death will take away my body. Would I still exist without my body? What shall I do without my body? Would I be able to see without eyes then? Would I be able to smell and taste food? Would I be a ghost and fly around the earth, seeing my loved ones? What's the point if they can't see me? What else would I do with myself when I am dead? I mean when my body is dead.
Well, I travel places in my dreams, incidents happen and I react to them. What world do they exist in? Is that reality or fantasy? I should keep a diary of my dreams then I would have a better idea of where I go and what do I engage myself with in my dreams. It should give me some clue to what is possible to do without walking on my feet, without talking with my mouth and with my eyes closed.
If I can go elsewhere in my dreams then I should be able to do it while I am awake. Why don't I pretend sleep? Ok, I will close my eyes and fool my brain into thinking that I am sleeping and note where I go, what I do. If nothing else, my eyes need that rest, away from the rat race. Oh, who doesn't like a minute of peace. Finally I got to relax. It feels nice. May be I should do this everyday. Just five minutes for me.

Close my eyes and just be an observer. No plans, just watch. What am I watching, there is nothing to see? Can I hear any noises, without looking? How does that feel? Turn my ears off and note if I can smell anything. What kind of sensations my body is experiencing now? It's amazingly relaxing. I like resting for a while. I am glad I took a few minutes from my busy life to do this.
I am getting addicted to this relaxation. I want more time. I will spare some time every morning and evening for closing my eyes and being the observer. Going for a quiet walk at lunchtime is fun too. I can't close my eyes but I watch my breath while I walk. I didn't know that I don't breath equal amount of air from both nostrils. Forcing to breath more from the other doesn't work. I close the one that is not working fine. I breath in from one and let it out of the other and then reverse the cycle to open up the other side. Each day its different but today my right nostril works better than the left.

I am starting to enjoy the breathing game. I like balancing the body with breath. The body has two verticle halves, I breath in and feel one half move up and the other half goes down simultaneously.
This see saw of breath is fun. People call it meditation. I don't mind playing these games. I have started to see a purple light in between my eyes. It's fascinating to watch. There is some shinny stuff in there sometimes. Mostly, I see the purple and black swirls that go anti-clockwise, I think. I can't believe I can see things in my meditation. It is getting more and more interesting. I don't care if I will find God or not but I have definitely found peace.
I wonder, if I continue on this path, may be one day I will find out more. God, if you exist, please help me understand you. I just want to know the truth. Would you help me? I want to talk to you and ask you so many questions. At least, I will not dismiss the possibility that you may exist. I am open to  knowing. I will wait for my turn. May be one day will be my lucky day. I have already started this journey and will keep walking.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Change is normal then why resist it?

Everyday sun rises from the east, sets in the west. This routine hasn't changed from as long as humans can recall. It's also true that each day it rises from a slightly different angle and the change can be noticed if you mark the winter and summer position of sunrise at a particular place. So miner changes are expected and accepted without fear. It's only when people like Inuit elders say that their sky has changed and scientists say that earths figure axis has shifted, i.e. the poles have shifted that we realise that a big change has happened and those affected will have to adjust their lifestyle to new environment and its threats and turn them into opportunities.
This goes for religions as well. The esoteric philosophy of all religions has a common base, the spirituality, focus on breathing, mindfulness, compassion, unconditional love, focus on inner self etc etc. Each religious chapter was written in a different time period to suit the needs of that time and to address the existing issues of society. Therefore, the language and the culture of the time had a role to play which is evident from the rules of a particular religious game.
The personality that introduces change after going on a journey of self-discovery and after powerful awakening that bestows psychic and magical powers on the individual is able to bring a bigger reform in the existing society than those who merely introduce new vocabulary to describe the same stuff and try to rename a religion but end up being a sect of the same religion.
Every religion became a money making venture at some point for some individuals. As a religion spreads, so do the vices in it because people slowly moulded the base of the religion to suit themselves and changed the rules slowly. Then more people joined them, to exploit that market. So essentially there are spiritual people, religious people and entrepreneurs. May be we all have those tendencies but some gravitate more towards one side at a particular time.
So there is a pattern in religious growth, just like the four seasons in a year. The real change like the polar shift happens once in a lifetime that brings personal inner growth as well as enough changes to warrant a new religion. Rest assured that the new religion will also change some people's lives and will give business opportunities to the others. It's up to you to decide what phase are you in and what kind of change are you seeking and gravitating towards - spiritual, religious or business?

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Devta - Gods and Kartapurakh

There are beggers and there are devtas. One takes and the other gives. Are you a begger or a Devta?
The word Devta means the one who gives. The dev and Devi words came from devtas to indicate the gender of the Devta; male being the Devta or dev for short or female being the Devi
Devtas live in heaven as per Hindu philosophy but are expelled from it as soon as they have a desire to satisfy themselves, as the desire makes them a begger. There are several stories of devas being sent to earth when they looked at another with lust.
Christianity also talks of Adam and Eve who were happy in the garden of Eden but the moment they experienced hunger to satisfy themselves and they took the apple to eat, (not to give away to another); they are sent to earth.
Guru Nanak in his explanation of God, talks of Karta Purakh, nirbhao, nirvair. The direct translation of the purakh is the being and Karta is the doer that takes action, nirbhao is an adjective to explain the acts of Kartapurakh that are done without fear. Only the one that is not entangled in his own insecurities and desires can help others without attachment and fear. Nirvair is also an adjective to explain that the beings actions are not motivated by animosity.
Guru Nanak is known as Guru Nanak Dev possibly because he was a giver. His life stories reveal him  as someone that people turned to when all else failed and he performed miracles not to benefit himself or his family but humanity.
Who are you? What are you chasing each day? What do you desire the most in life? Your dreams reveal all that each night. Before going to sleep remind yourself to remember every dream. When you are asleep and are in the middle of a dream, try to understand the symbolic meaning of it. Keep a diary beside your bed and wake up and write the dream down as soon as you become aware of it. Soon you will know if you are seeking more material things for yourself or engaged in appreciating what is and helping others and giving.
Listen to the shabad Devteyan darshan ke taain dukh bhukh terath kiye


Thursday, September 3, 2015

Guru Nanak's Moolmantra and the true self

Guru Nanak was a true wizard with lots of magical and psychic powers and yet the one that preached to not get involved in using them as they power the ego. He was a great social reformer who believed in the equality of man and woman and of all social classes. In his view, a person is better or worse not by his wealth or knowledge but the way we treat other beings. He believed in honest living and sharing of profits. In his ideal world all one needed to do was to produce food and basic necessity items, share them equally and meditate on God. He believed that music transcends anyone much easier than breath control techniques but also emphasised on chanting a word with the feeling of love and gratitude. This way to God is through the heart, the feeling centre. Guru Nanak described God in a few words -

Ik O Ang Kaar - one part of my being
Satnaam - that is truth
Karta purakh - that creates
Nirbhau - one that is without fear
Nirvair - without enimosity
Akaal Murat - that never dies
Ajuni - and never takes birth
Saibhang - forever continues and is self existent
Gur parsaad - is known with the grace of a spiritual master / inner guide.

Nanak further says

Jap - continuously remember / chant

Aad sach - the primal truth
Jugad Sach - will be true in the future
Hai Bhai sach - is the truth at present
Nanak Hosi Bhi Sach - O Nanak, will stay the truth.

In Nanak's view, there is a truth within us that has no enemies or fear, so it doesn't take sides and can't be set aside while we count our profits and rip others off a comfortable living standard. The truth within us is watching every injustice we commit in the name of looking after our family, improving our lot and whatever other notion we have created in the name of a capitalist economy. This primal truth is going to be with us forever, long after we have shed this body that we cherish and try to give all the luxuries and comforts to. This body is not going to thank us for all that we did to protect it, but a part of us that is truth and the one that creates bodies, life forms with a mere desire, and the one that seeks justice is the one we need to satisfy and answer to. That truth within us is the only master we need to serve.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Changing lives - healing to create life and prevent death

Even thought I was given healing light in one of my meditations and later I went to learn reiki when I started feeing energy move in my body everytime I saw Reiki symbols; I prefer not to do healing, not even to my children when they are sick. The reason being that I start feeling the pain of the patient in my body for days after the healing. I was told that may be I unknowingly use The method of healing in which one takes on another's disease and then processes it in her own body. This person laughed at me and said, off course the other person will get better when you take it on. I have been told to use protection before healing session, so I don't get affected but I always skip this step.

Recently I found out that one of my colleagues sister is dying of cancer. He himself is a Reiki master and has given healing to her many times and saved her for years. Two months ago he was called to say goodbye to her which he wasn't prepared to do. He saved her once more and came back to work happy. This time I had sent healing to her and noticed that she is angry at something that happened in her childhood years. According to her brother, she is angry that her mother never loved her. This mother had eleven children and the people mentioned are the last two children. Weather the mother had time to love the children or not is besides the point when one is close to sixty years of age. The point is that the patient needs to forgive her mother for not giving her the amount of attention this child wanted but she can't seem to forgive her mother. I tried so hard to unpack her bags but there was one item left in her bag last time and I heard the words, " she would be saved in time". I never understood what does that mean? Why did she have three flowers in her hair when I saw her as a little girl?
Last week when I went to work, I found out that he has gone to say final goodbye to her. I felt sad for him. Then I caught very bad viral infection, apparently the the real influenza and was very sick for days. On the third day of sickness, I was so weak that everytime I tried to close my eyes for meditation, I immediately started seeing the purple swirl in the third eye. The moon was also about to go full in a day or two. I decided that I should utilise this time to do meditation and try to pray for someone who is desperate for a child but can't fall pregnant for years due to some cyst on the overy.

While in meditation, my attention kept going back to my colleagues dying sister, so instead I tried to send her some healing and unpack her bag fully this time. I took every single item from her handbag out and even tried to tear its insides to see if the was anything hidden that wasn't taken out. At that I felt that may be I shouldn't have done that. It felt like I didn't have the permission to stop her, so I mentioned my colleagues name and said that I am trying to heal his sister, so the connection is known and energy gets accepted. To my surprise she suddenly put on her glamorous red dress with embroidery, and hair done like a bride, took her little six year old self with her waving goodbye, ruining all my efforts to save her. I was shocked how suddenly she changed her mind just minutes after she had accepted the energy as if that was the most powerful thing she could do to get attention. I changed the colour of her dress and tried a few things but felt that she is determined to keep going back to her path of anger and that's why nobody can save her. It might take her a few lifetimes to learn to forgive.
I felt sad that I wasted my time and energy on someone determined to die for the sake of attention instead of doing something for someone who is praying for a child everyday. Why am I not helping them even when my mother had asked for help indirectly? I believe God is wiser and our efforts never bring desired results. Whatever God does is for a good reason but who was I to think that they should think of adopting a child instead of having their own, risking the month era life who has a cyst on the overy and can't fall pregnant. I have been asked, so I should try to help I thought and started praying for them. I was told that it would take six months for the cyst to go away, another 6-8 months for the girl to fall pregnant naturally and then 9 months for the baby to come, so it will all happen in the next 24 months. I was worried if the mother would survive after the birth. Upon asking, I saw her doing the child's hair when he was 3-4 years old. Then I asked what kind of a person this child would be? He seemed like a strong built warrior type. I didn't feel comfortable about the warrior thing, why would he need to be a warrior to spread his religion in the South India? So I asked, is that a good thing that he will be born altering the God's Will? Would the child have a good life? I heard the words 'ahankare marna' meaning will die because of ego.
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Warrior is a person who acts even in the face of fear, nothing to do with a war of weapons. Funny how I had to read this book which mentioned fear and warriors tonight. I love the universe, it always answers the questions, except sometimes I don't understand. Fear dissolves with conscious action and focuses on now. Read page 77 onwards and the next chapter is on anger. The book is Mystic secrets revealed by Edwin Harkness Spina. Two healthy responses to anger which is caused by unmet expectations is to act or accept reality. I can't believe the next chapter 'take back your power' is answering my question about my self doubt on weather it's right to heal and attempt to alter the course of life. I do listen to my inner master and that's the only time I heal and create, as per the direction from the higher self.